I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
