I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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