Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
