Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
