I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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