He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
