I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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