I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
