I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
