i just had sex bonerless
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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