"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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