oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
