And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
