Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
