He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize