You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
