You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
