I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
