marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
