he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
