Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize