omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
