Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
