Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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