I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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