My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
