my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
