she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
