Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
