so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
