those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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