I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
