I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
