this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
