I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
