Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
