I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
