So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
