is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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