"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Someone signed my nipple.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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