Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
