My cat gives me a boner
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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