WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
