have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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