im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
