Just cropdusted the office
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
