Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize