I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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