I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize