By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
