How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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