Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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