D3 body, D1 cock
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
