But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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