I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
