there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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