i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
