we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
