I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
