beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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