Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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