Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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