well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
