I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
