you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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