operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
