Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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