Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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