I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
