There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
