i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize