Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
