I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
