I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize