Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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