The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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