I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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