i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
