Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
