I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
