I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
