He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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