he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
