i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
