You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
