his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm passing your future prison.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
