It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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