Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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