she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
