We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
