why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
