Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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