Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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