I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
