So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
