you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
